What to Choose- Love OR Food?

This might hurt some but these are personal thoughts. So, apologies.

I once read in one of the Osho quarterly magazines that people become obsessed with food only when they lose the capacity to love. And this statement definitely didn`t come as a shocking one to me. I just read it curiously as I always had some thoughts like this one earlier. All my life I compared myself with others on almost all basis- be it physical, mental, social or academic. This comparison came quite naturally to me but there was one difference that I always noticed- food!

Is this making any sense? It will.

When a baby gets birth, his first contact with the world is the mother`s breast. This is his entry into the world and the breast becomes the symbol for him of two things: food and love. Whenever the mother is loving, her breast is available and whenever the mother is unloving, her breast is not available. Food and love this way become associated. It becomes so unconsciously rooted that you repeat it your whole life.

If the child knows that the mother loves him, he will not drink too much, because he knows, he is secure; whenever he needs the mother her breast will be available. If the child is insecure and feels that next time the mother may not be available, he will start eating too much.

The point is simple. Whenever love is there, there is security and a kind of fulfillment and the child never becomes obsessed with food. If love is not there, there is insecurity, fear, and a kind of emptiness, and the child stuffs that emptiness with food.

For the same reasons, for the people of the West, weight is becoming more and more of a problem as mothers are not ready to give their breasts to their children. There is fear of losing the shape and making the woman look old has gripped the mind of women so deeply that they are afraid to give their breasts to their children. And they are creating an obsession about food in the child unknowingly.

This above was simply copied from the magazine. But it is really close to the heart as I have myself observed this applying it on many and on myself as well. This has helped me to grow as a human being to expand the boundaries of love and share it freely. There is high need to learn the love. And this lack of love is the basic cause of gaining weight. One can lose his/her weight by doing a lot of trainings and going on a strict diet but sooner or later he/she will start gaining weight. The root cause is still there. There is need to tackle the root cause- the lack of love as it is missing somewhere in the life.

But the happy news out of this is that this obsession with food is nothing of a problem but just a symptom. Love is the real problem- love more. And if you love more, you will be loved more. And I am happy to be a leaner who is not obsessed with the food.

(At least I got a way to answer those who always talk about my weight!) 

FALLEN

We hear and we forget, we see and we remember, we do and we understand! ~ Confucius, a Chinese philosopher.

These above lines make life easier in the case of mistakes committed by one. Obviously, until unless we commit mistakes, we usually don`t get our lesson. And that’s what happened in this case too.

But nonetheless, it was a fine battle with my beloved Mathematics for five straight years.

That one mark has certainly helped me to fill my scars for the good and helped me to grow as a human being. I would have remained the same if it was not happened and I obviously owe to this failure. It is like I fell into the space of many greats who earlier failed to succeed later. These are clearly the signs of the life where you don`t know what exactly is going to happen next. This struggle is the clear sign.

And there are some lessons learnt-

Thank you one mark for making me realize yet again that it is only your family which always would come to your rescue to help you out of these situations and nobody else has nothing to do whatever you do except a handful of loyal ones. And thank you for forcing me to remain alone for a long period of time and I really have got no complains for that. I am happy that I could fall in love with myself all over again and with the solitude and this is a happy feeling. This has certainly helped me to overcome the fear of solitude among many others. I would have not come to know a beautiful me had I not failed. This has made me strong for the good reasons.

I got to realize that I have got nothing to prove to anyone and there is nothing that anyone can do for me either. Life is a mix of paradoxes but it definitely lies in the process of learning. Life is in learning itself. Quoting one elderly scientist from BARC, Bombay who met me in a park and said me these beautiful lines that that if we keep this process of learning alive, we would never die. The paradox is nothing but to keep learning. And these failures make us learn and help us to become beautiful- open to learning, open to growing and open to understanding this process of life which is in ups and downs.

Thanks to Bhavna mam for guiding me through all this by understanding the weaknesses and the fears and for being a wonderful guide to me. I really owe a lot to you and I would never forget the way you handled my case and encouraged me to go happily through this process.

Thank you Hansraj for not letting me go out of your gates at that time as I still had a lot to learn and unlearn before graduating! I was clearly not good enough if I actually see it today to be a part of you at the starting and it made me feel inferior to others. I wish I had managed to cope through that different down feeling but I couldn`t and it ended in a failure. The ending was not that good. But I have got enough time now to change that ending and to realize the importance of earlier being a student of an elite college. Thank you Hansraj for this mix of feelings and emotions.

I feel lucky and equally blessed to go through such a process at an early age and I hope this would help me in coming days to cope with different feelings.
Sometimes when we fall in the right way, the world turns over. And certainly, what felt like falling, yesterday, feels like flying, today.

I hope for many interesting days to be ahead!

Nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know.
~ Pema Chodron.

Compassionate LOVE!

To the wonderful two souls who have always talked to each other in the same language that they actually taught to their children- the language of love! And you two are simply the symbols of love for three of us.

Mummy, I know that you couldn`t study further after finishing seventh class because of the circumstances and that is the only thing you still give a miss but I want you to know that you`ve never failed to amaze three of us and that too on a regular basis. The way you managed to send your three children to the school and that too without a single miss, the way you have prepared yourself as a wife of a teacher, the way you never stopped learning, the way you encouraged three of us to study hard, the way you have handled yourself in a family like us which is an ‘educated’ one but you still managed to gain a huge respect from everyone, the way you have always welcomed all the relatives as if they are literally Gods and the way you taught us to respect our elders, I really feel blessed to have such a mother who may not have studied much but has the endless potentials to share the love! Not all can be that much of love giving. That is the thing which keeps you apart from others!

Papa, there are no exact words which could describe the care you have as a father for your children. Being a teacher, you`ve always encouraged us to read as much as we can and this is one of the things I would always owe to you. The way you`ve always loved our mother, the way you put your family always first, the way you have motivated three of us to face our fears, the way you have helped people irrespective of getting back something from them, the way you made efforts to teach us from the old texts of Hindi, the way you have allowed three of us to be ourselves and do whatever we have always wanted to do and for being a very sensitive human being who has always dreamed of better things for human kind, I can`t be on terms with the words which I could use for you! We all simply love you and that’s what we have learnt from you.

Many a times in different situations, there has come a time when one of you asked the other to put herself/himself at her/his place and tell what should be done or what could have been done? This compassionate way in which you have supported each other in your ups and downs is what I really want to see in my life too! There are a whole lot of things to learn from both of you. You two are the ones who never get tired of each other and want to be there together always. That is something really amazing.

I always remember one thing said by you (Papa) to me that -do you know why I don`t drink or smoke? I asked why and you replied- I know that I can afford both drinking and smoking on daily basis and many of my colleagues even do that too. But I simply don`t do any of that. Because I want you four people including your mother to be happy always and in order to do that, I will have to keep distance from the things which could destroy this happiness. I do not want to be insensitive towards you and I want that money to be spent on your hobbies and interests and on your books. As a father, I would do whatever I can and I would never expect much but your happiness in whatever you want to do. Just keep one thing in mind- never stop learning and never loose hope and I as a father will always be on your side.
And after hearing this, I simply cried for that time when I dared to disrespect both of you and then promised to myself that I won`t let that happen ever again!

There is this famous saying- Where there is love, there is no fear! And I have seen it from the very beginnings that you don`t fear each other and that is what helped you to get united in many down circumstances. We as children also don`t fear both of you and that is how we have grown in love. Pure love that is. 

You two are truly beautiful from inside-out. Thank you for showing us the way of love and compassion.

Happy 23!
02 MAY !

Thank you for being there always!